Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Top 10 Reasons the New iPhone Sucks (Part II of II)

And for the finale...

5. Safari sucks - no FireFox?!


Safari... SAFARI? I know that Apple makes it and all, but sometimes you have to cut your losses. I think I read somewhere that Safari accounts for half of a half of 1% of all the browsers out there. That's like .0025% of all browsers. And now Apple's forcing it on us in the the form of this stupid, stripped down version on a phone. ::sigh:: They just never know when to give up.

Everyone knows FireFox is the browser of the future. They keep chipping away at Microsoft's market share. I think IE is down to like only owning 23% of the market or something like that. FireFox accounts for like 70% of the browsers out there now. Why not just include everyone's favorite browser on what they hope will be everyone's favorite phone?

Oh yea, I forgot, they're Apple, and like Microsoft, they don't play well with others.

4. Short battery life.


5 hours of talk time. Which everyone knows really means like 2 hours of talk time. Going for a ride and you want to listen to mp3s? I'm sure that will drain your batteries pretty fast. All of a sudden, those 2 hours of talk time is now like 60-90 minutes worth of talk time. Hell, I could talk longer than that about how much this product blows.

3. It's made by Apple.


I hate Apple. Yes, I have a MacBook Pro, but I've had more problems with it than the 5 million other PCs I've had over the years. It looks pretty but runs like shit. It's so hot that I can't put it on my lap (yea, yea, they're called "notebooks" now), I've had to replace the hard drive 3 times, it makes strange noises, and the SPOD drives me nuts.

iTunes blows too. Yes, I said it. Forget about all those mp3s I have from my college days without meta data - it's a bitch trying to find them because if there's no meta data on the mp3, iTunes gives you a giagantic middle finger. Re-rip them or perish... OR buy them from iTunes for the low low price of 99 cents a song. Wh wh what?! 99 cents a SONG for a crippled, DRM'd implementation? No thank you, I'll stick with AllOfMP3.

OS X is like Unix, except dumbed down. Have you ever tried compiling a CPAN module in Tiger? Or tried to use Perl at all? It's a nightmare. Apple stripped out the soul of BSD, and inserted the cloaked, lifeless shell that Satan swapped to Steve Jobs for his soul and some traction with the iPod.

2. It's a GSM phone, and no one in the US uses GSM.


As evident by Emperor W. Bush's invasion of the rest of the world, we Americans know that we're the center of the Universe. If it doesn't work here, it's NOT going to work overseas. Why do you think Stevie boy announced it here in the US?

Unfortunately for he and Apple, no one in the US will buy it because it only works on GSM networks; specifically, Cingular's network. Can you hear me now? NO, I didn't think so - because NO ONE uses Cingular or GSM over here. We can't even decide on a GSM frequency in this country, let alone have one all the carriers use. You know why? Because NO ONE CARES ABOUT GSM.

Blah blah blah, SIM card, blah blah blah. Too bad when I talk to my very limited amount of contacts who do use Cingular or TMobile, they ALWAYS hit dead spots and cut off. They drop calls more than Britney Spears forgets to wear underwear. The network is underdeveloped. Even if you disagree with me and <3 the style of the iPhone (puke) you're still going to sound like a robot whose voice breaks up every 5 seconds when I talk to you.

You're better off picking up a mobile phone from the 80s - one of those backpack "car phones" from back then will probably sound better on an analog network than the iPhone will on a digital one.

1. This story will make Digg and all the fanboys will come out of the woodwork to defend it.


I feel completely and utterly alone in my opinion. Everyone I talk to seems to be brainwashed by the hype surrounding this thing. I've shared my feelings with a few close, techie friends, and they're all disgusted by it... and they're not nearly as whiney as the homos on Digg.

I know that if this gets any traffic whatsoever, some idiot Digg fanboy is going to be like, "waa, he's making fun of Apple, lets lynch him, waa." Or, "Steve Jobs is our hero, lets flood this asshole's comments with rude posts!"

To all of you Apple and Digg fanboys, "boo f-in hoo". You guys are like a cult, and I don't like cults. Criticize me all you want, this is my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

You ARE alone in your opinion. You sound like one of those loners that try to find creative ways to make the Zune sound better than the iPod, but in the end it's all highly individualistic opinion or entrenched preconceived bias.

Saying a lamborghini sucks because of the brand of radio they have in it is not going to change minds. Neither does saying the iPhone sucks for not happening to default to the Firefox browser.

Wake me when you have anything of significance to present. Until then, congratulations on getting your second comment on your blog page.

(yawn)

Anonymous said...

The author of this blog is dumb, sorry.

Anonymous said...

Safari doesn't suck at all; you have no clue what you're talking about. Neither market share nor install base account for the quality of a product. It makes absolutely no difference if FireFox has more users.

Marking a point against it because it's "made by apple" just aids in showing your clear bias. Also, claiming nobody uses GSM or Cingular in the U.S. only provides proof of your ignorance. In fact, Cingular is the most used wireless network in the U.S (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mobile_network_operators_of_the_Americas#United_States). T-mobile is number 4.

It's fine to have an opinion. . . But it's funny that you try to preemptively defend your ignorance, ill-concieved logic and outright erroneous information by labeling those who disagree a "fanboy." Clearly you're no better than those to whom you're casting stones.

apsterling said...

And anonymous is Correct. Unfortunately for you, I see very little of your Rebuttles making any effect on the sales, and use, of the phone. The Safari Browser is used little, because people have skins and preference to Firefox. On Windows, you use FF, not IE. On a Mac, Safari is Great, and Firefox isn't better. Actually, I find Firefox Equal. I agree to a certain extent with battery life, based on my iPod experience. HOWEVER, iPhone gets more than 5 stand-by, so, using it NORMALLY, will get you more than 5 Hours of time. Listening to music will get you 16. Apple Products are Quality Products, assuming you use them right. I'm typing from an iMac. I set my hand near the vent, and it's colder to the touch, than my Dell Dimension. I have a MacBook Pro, and it has no HardDrive issues, and very rarely crashes, same going for my iMac. Just because iTunes uses a LEGAL form of music sales, doesn't mean you need to seek a Russian music company being sued for more than it's Country's Net Worth. OS X Is not a dumbed down UNIX. OS X Is a useable UNIX with some features taken out to make it more user-friendly. Also, GSM is used by 2 billion people across more than 212 countries and territories. More than 25% of people on the earth use GSM. (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GSM) People DON'T CARE WHETHER IT'S GSM OR NOT! Read David Pogue's (As much as I hate the man) iPhone Post! (http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/01/09/some-hands-on-time-with-the-iphone/) he states: "During my one test call, the sound quality was loud and clear. Of course, your mileage (and your Cingular signal) will vary." You ARE Completely and Utterly alone. A single person will NOT stop Apple from selling the phone, and consumers from buying it. Oh, and next time, back up your facts, and do the world a favor. Oh, and don't say "waa, he's making fun of Apple, lets lynch him, waa." Or, "Steve Jobs is our hero, lets flood this asshole's comments with rude posts!" We Are Not being rude, don't wanna lynch you, and Steve Jobs is not our hero. (Exception of a Minor Few) And, we don't represent a cult. We represent, more or less, the American, and World, population. Brace yourself. You'll get more posts like this. Assuming others take the time to care what you have to say.

Anonymous said...

Don't drink and blog.

Anonymous said...

The iPhone sucks about as much as you are an expert in judging iPhone. By that measure, the iPhone is great, and you are a jackass.

Anonymous said...

some people was dropped repeatedly on the head when babies.... and blog...

The Gimp said...

I'll just comment on your observation regarding the supposed superiority of Firefox. Firefox may be gaining ever greater market share, but that alone is hardly sufficient reason to consider the "future" of browsers. In my own experience, Opera--now at V9.1--offers a noticably better experience out-of-box. This depends, of course, on what sites you visit, and the size of your monitor--certain sites are incompatible with Opera, and smaller monitors will be less able to take advantage of Opera's zoom feature, similar to the new zoom in IE 7, however with the addition of an immensely useful "fit to width" capability.

The success of Firefox is not purely a technological one, but also an ideological one, fueled in part by a (perhaps well deserved) loathing for Microsoft. The cost of generating the momentum necessary for such success is turning a blind eye to some very real defects while brandishing whatever strengths Firefox has over IE. I'll accept that Firefox is designed to overcome some of IE's shortcomings, but as a contender for the "ultimate browser," it falls short, especically compared to where it really shines--when reappropriated into the anti-Microsoft political sphere.

Anonymous said...

Safari's market share is just over 4%. It's fully one third of Firefox's market share.

Notwithstanding that market share is not a reliable measure of quality, there are far, far more Mac users using Safari than Firefox.

Stefan said...

LOL, very funny, completely idiotical 10 Reasons. Especially funny are the fantasy numbers of reason 5.

I will correct this here (approximately): Internet Explorer has a little below 80% market share (like 79,6%), Firefox is at about 12% and Safari has about 5% (and is ever growing, before 1 year it was about 3%) - and the other 3% are shared between other browsers, like Opera, Netscape, Conquerer and many others.

Stefan said...

Oh, in the link in the post above mine are more accurate numbers, so it is 79,64 for IE, 14% for Firefox and 4,24 for Safari (in December 06). And 0.87% for Opera... and less for all other browsers.

Leo Inter Hyenaem said...

Dear Blogger!
You are an idiot! Not worthy of owning a Macintosh. It hurts to see how Jobs is desperately trying to make this sublime computer brand products - the utterly splendid OS X, Macintosh computers and their portable devices mainstream. If iPods aren't as good as one would expect an Apple product, it is solely because they are too popular. I'm afraid I see the same slowly happening to more other Apple products, those of greater merit.

If your MacBook "sucks", as one refers to the poor operation of a device in American language (you think that's English, don't you?) - then do me a favour: dispatch me the Macintosh, and I'll treat you a Dell with Windowz Ex-Pee installed. By all accounts, the latter shall suit you much better.

Regards,
Leo Inter Hyenaem

Leo Inter Hyenaem said...

Dear Blogger!
You are an idiot! Not worthy of owning a Macintosh. It hurts to see how Jobs is desperately trying to make this sublime brand (well deserved reputation) products - the utterly splendid OS X, Macintosh computers and their portable devices mainstream. If the iPods aren't as good as one would expect an Apple product to be, it is solely because they have become too popular. I'm afraid I see the same slowly happening to other Apple products, those of greater merit.

If the MacBook you have taken to abusing "sucks" (your American is most eloquent) - then do me a favour: dispatch me the Macintosh, and I'll treat you a Dell with Windowz Ex-Pee installed. By all accounts, the latter shall suit you much better.

Regards,
Leo Inter Hyenaem

Rob Giorgi said...

8. I agree that lack of HSDPA support is a deal breaker for me. EVDO is fast, but Cingular has HSDPA (3G GSM), and it blows EVDO away. I think Verison will be coming out with a 2nd gen EVDO that is more comparable to HSDPA. Is seems crazy that a "revolutionary" device would not support 3G.

2. EVDO is only in the US. GSM is worldwide. Cingular has the largest market share of any carrier in the US - they had 57.3M subscribers to Verizon's 54.8M as of Aug 2Q2006. T-Mobile (also GSM) had 23.35M subscribers. So your comment that no one uses GSM is totally wrong, even if you only count the US.

7. Did you know that BlogSpot is owned by Google? If you're so worried about the expanding Google empire, you might want to switch away from their blogging platform.

5. You're market share comment is just wishful thinking. IE is still about ~75% to FireFox ~15%. As you indicate Safari is just a blip. That said, there is no way Apple is going to include a non-Apple browser. You're not likely to see anything other than IE in Windows Mobile any time soon, either.

Anonymous said...

Don't like the iPhone? how about you simply don't buy it?!! I don't understand why you hate it with such passion? (or why some love it with such passion?)

Don't like Google? Your blog is a google service and has google adds.

I too have reservations about the direction Google is going, in particular Google Desktop and the way it sends information about your usage to Google, even when you say no (according to my firewall).

Imagine using firefox on a 340x500 display or whatever is on the iPhone?, it simply wouldn't work. No they have to use their own browser technology to have the zoom that makes it possible to have a full blown web browser on such a small screen, did you see the keynote?
Firefox is great on the desktop but without significant changes it would suck on the iPhone.

Anonymous said...

bah, apple fanboys.. only revolutionary thing that iphone might have is working touch screen.. everything else has been seen

Anonymous said...

Great Post. I used to use nothing but apple. But I was a retard like all of those "apple defenders". By the time I finally got my Bachelors degree in computing, I had junked apple. It was very easy considering all of the expensive crap that didnt work efficiently that they had me hooked on for all those years before I knew any better. Apple should be the BMW of the industry with their artsy fartsy products, which would be fine and great. But they are just BMW body kits with Geo Metros underneath.
This is my opinion, if you have a problem with it I dont care. If you think that Im even going to come back and read responses, get a life.

Anonymous said...

You know if you drop it once, it's probably screwed, right? That massive, PSP-esque screen won't be able take too many hits.

Anonymous said...

anyone who rushes to buy the iphone for their own use is stupid. Have fun downloading at 40Kbps/sec and paying $60/month!!! SUCKAS

Anonymous said...

Your SO right. I love your blog. The iPhone DOES NOT even look cool! My FREE flip phone does EVERY SINGLE THING and MORE than the iPhone and I can pick what service I want! It's 3G has expandable memory, can watch videos play MP3's have cool ringtones... etc. etc. with all the things it can do that the iPhone can't!! You couldn't be more on!

People are dumb. The lady on the news in Chicago couldn't even figure how to pick up a call on the iPhone on the news.

PS. THE ZUNE KICKS IPODS ASS.

Sorry Steve Jobs Cult Lovers. Mac sucks. Too expensive for less function.

Anonymous said...

The iphone sucks ass!!! Keep up the good fight, pioneer!

Anonymous said...

you are NOT alone in your observations about the inferiority of apple.

they honestly have the absolute worst customer service, and incredibly poor product performance paried with some of the prettiest packaging and best marketing minds in the world... its sad really.

I neither hate nor love inanimate objects said...

LOL - kind of funny; all these peeps care so much for the iphone, either hating it or loving it. It's time for peeps to wake up and see this is the same gimic marketing strategy that Apple always use. The fanboys (employed by apple no doubt) come out to defend anything with vitamin C in it and the Win(d-bags) lovers criticise anything Apple make. It's a touch screen phone with issues, anyone who thinks this phone reinvents anything other than Apples accounts & marketing departments should take there head out of their rear end for a moment and look at the way ipod revolutionised mp3 players.... oh wait no that didn't happen did it?

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Hi Nice Blog .Setting the backlight to “always on” will significantly reduce your ipod batteries life. Only use the backlight when necessary.

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Anonymous said...

You know what's sad? I have an iPhone 4, in fact I'm on it now, but I still agree with nearly everything you've said. My phone does indeed suck ass, the 20 people I talk to regularly and hang up on every 7.23 minutes because I don't have a free hand to use the "apple approved" phone position agree. Of course there's also the light sensor thing screwing up again and trying to connect to FaceTime (which is a whole new realm of suck-ness) or trying to third party call my son's school. Apple doesn't wanna recall and fix this crap? Here's a great big EAT ME from the people that spent $400 of their working class money on this Grade A piece of horse shit!!

iPhone 5 said...

With its new features and applications, this model would definitely hit the market real big time. It's a great mobile innovation.